Today is December 17, 2007
MY PROGRESS ON LIVING LOW CARB by NAE’ NAE’
I had a light pink stick this morning and a dark pink one yesterday, must be the two desserts I had, probably the Choco-Perfection Bar. I’ve been studying on the Sugar Shook blog. Some of the guest speakers I was listening too talked about going vegan, yuck, did that, got fatter! Cause I love carbs and sugar. But I am interested in her take on artificial sweeteners which is a big taboo in her gathering of evidience. I really love splenda and love sweets so I can’t imagine doing the low carb lifestyle without sweetener.
I’ve been blogging on a online support group for several months in a form of a journal and it has been one of the most healing ways I’ve found to deal with my depression that set in with abandon several years ago. I had some breaks but never really pulled out fully – always a low grade of depression coupled with some anxiety every now and again. I was so depressed and gained either 40-70 pounds in the last few years. I’m not going to put my weight out there right now because I am afraid to do so… (Opionionistas.com blogging by Melissa Lafsky advise about blogging is whatever you are most afraid of is what you need to be writing or blogging about. Always share your truth and put it out there. Good contents rises to the top) OK one big fear is to blog and show myself to others and telling my weight so as I work this blog I will do both when it is the right time for me.
I was down and up a few pounds this week as I am making myself weight everyday to find what kind of weight I fluctuate. Because I am so affected by the numbers on the scale and to help myself overcome this nuts type thinking I make myself have coffee before I weigh in but usually not food but growth for me would to weigh in at the end of the day with all the food I’ve consumed. I am just wanting to face the numbers because in my head it makes me think I am good or bad and I am challenging myself beyond the number thing, the size thing, the pretty thing, the ugly thing the fat thing the skinny thing, just to name a few…. I used to count everything like how many years had it been since I had a drink 15, 16 years, whilst I had “medication” i.e. drugs that got you high when I was in pain and somehow I was in pain a great deal J when I did finally pick up a drink I drank just like I was told I would do and soon put it back down, not because I think I’m an alcoholic because I am not… but because I don’t like alcohol on a daily or weekly basis and I don’t remember to drink and as more and more years pass me by without remembering to drink well… you get the idea. So in those years of counted ‘sobriety’ I learned how not to drink or think of drinking cause it just wasn’t part of my lifestyle. I even wrote of book on the 12 steps – (not published) I would print it out for small groups I did in my home on ‘additions’ but it ended up really helping people to understand how to feel… that feelings is one major thing in life we need to learn how to do. My book was based on how I dealt with what life was bring me at the time and how I didn’t pick up alcohol but how much I picked up food. How socially acceptable it was to pick up food, especially in the circle of people I was hanging with and at the same time there was a group of skin·ny’s that would hang together and a group of fatty’s that hung together. The skin·ny’s (skin·ni·ness, noun —Synonyms 1. lank, gaunt, scrawny.) was the group I avoided not because they were skinny but because they were starving, HELLO, and they looked judgmental and uptight, and hungry and the food of choice was usually me and what I was up to, can anyone say gos·sip (noun, verb, -siped or -sipped, -sip·ing idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: love the dictionary it give it such credence… love the -sipped, -sip·ing I can feel myself being drank up :)
But the whole truth is I knew I could never play the game so I always like the ones with all the outside issues, the real meaty stuff you could see… the ones who wore the issue on the outside, you know like me J
Going back to topic… I am hoping to do some major relearning about sugar, un·for·tu·nate·ly , I’m getting a bit lost. If I listen to all the ‘so called experts’ a Jimmy Moore quote, I get more and more confused on issues like food plans, sugar addiction and exercise, even weighing on the scale have all been life long tortures for me, that is one of the reasons I named my blog “Common Woman” I wanted to really write my book here and part of my book is about this title. What is a common woman? Being a counselor and pastoring a few flocks in my day I know what I think the common woman looks like and it is hidden behind a whole plethora (overabundance; excess) of issues. Comedic’s say it the best I think, as crude and rude as they can be, I’m peeing my pants as I read it or watch them explore some of the issues I’ve mentioned.
I can pontificate To express opinions or judgments in a dogmatic way all over myself and others whist I get started on the subject of religion. And I’m a God loving woman, but I am common as a woman in the fact of what ‘Christianity’ had done to me along the way. So loosely said I am embarrassed at present of being a Christian, but let me explain, I am not ashamed of my believes I am wounded by the judgment I have received when I gave my full heart in service to my last church family. I gave and supported and love, WORK my behind off for FREE for 12 years and yes I did it unto my LORD. But there came a point in my experience that I cracked and needed help and guess what, they all fleed and left me to the wolves… Forgiveness I have, but I want to write about the experience as it comes up for me to let others know how common it is and how to not destroy yourself as I did when the ones I loved turned their backs on me. OK I’m going to stop myself right there. Just know this I have some stories and the said part is they are all too familiar for woman and even some men when they start to tell the truth, like OUCH THAT HURT WHEN YOU….
But onto my issues with men: always a fun subject. Firstly I want to say I love men and thank God we have them but….. can we not agree they are an acquired taste… Men are from Pluto (who just got voted out) and we are from the rest of the planets. Some live like “Desperate Housewives planet”, some live like “Vegan, hairy underarm, granola eating, sprout pushing yurt living freedom fighters”, and some are like me, have had a total implosion experience from living on all the planets and now stay at home and write it down. Time to reassess after the kids are gone and the house is quite and I’ve had several nervous breakdowns-thru’s and now am calm and starting to write about my life again in this new medium of blogging. All of me exists still and it will be fun to pull each piece out and write about it… with my focus on getting me back or putting humpty ‘dumpy’ back together again.
So these are my morning thoughts everyone and more will keep coming as I am making a commitment to blog out my thoughts as they come to me each morning before I do my life such as it is. Forgive the grammar, spelling and plain confusion you may find as my mind spews onto pretend paper in cyber world. Nae’ Nae’ (see that is my nickname I reveled something I was afraid of sharing)
MY PROGRESS ON LIVING LOW CARB by NAE’ NAE’
I had a light pink stick this morning and a dark pink one yesterday, must be the two desserts I had, probably the Choco-Perfection Bar. I’ve been studying on the Sugar Shook blog. Some of the guest speakers I was listening too talked about going vegan, yuck, did that, got fatter! Cause I love carbs and sugar. But I am interested in her take on artificial sweeteners which is a big taboo in her gathering of evidience. I really love splenda and love sweets so I can’t imagine doing the low carb lifestyle without sweetener.
I’ve been blogging on a online support group for several months in a form of a journal and it has been one of the most healing ways I’ve found to deal with my depression that set in with abandon several years ago. I had some breaks but never really pulled out fully – always a low grade of depression coupled with some anxiety every now and again. I was so depressed and gained either 40-70 pounds in the last few years. I’m not going to put my weight out there right now because I am afraid to do so… (Opionionistas.com blogging by Melissa Lafsky advise about blogging is whatever you are most afraid of is what you need to be writing or blogging about. Always share your truth and put it out there. Good contents rises to the top) OK one big fear is to blog and show myself to others and telling my weight so as I work this blog I will do both when it is the right time for me.
I was down and up a few pounds this week as I am making myself weight everyday to find what kind of weight I fluctuate. Because I am so affected by the numbers on the scale and to help myself overcome this nuts type thinking I make myself have coffee before I weigh in but usually not food but growth for me would to weigh in at the end of the day with all the food I’ve consumed. I am just wanting to face the numbers because in my head it makes me think I am good or bad and I am challenging myself beyond the number thing, the size thing, the pretty thing, the ugly thing the fat thing the skinny thing, just to name a few…. I used to count everything like how many years had it been since I had a drink 15, 16 years, whilst I had “medication” i.e. drugs that got you high when I was in pain and somehow I was in pain a great deal J when I did finally pick up a drink I drank just like I was told I would do and soon put it back down, not because I think I’m an alcoholic because I am not… but because I don’t like alcohol on a daily or weekly basis and I don’t remember to drink and as more and more years pass me by without remembering to drink well… you get the idea. So in those years of counted ‘sobriety’ I learned how not to drink or think of drinking cause it just wasn’t part of my lifestyle. I even wrote of book on the 12 steps – (not published) I would print it out for small groups I did in my home on ‘additions’ but it ended up really helping people to understand how to feel… that feelings is one major thing in life we need to learn how to do. My book was based on how I dealt with what life was bring me at the time and how I didn’t pick up alcohol but how much I picked up food. How socially acceptable it was to pick up food, especially in the circle of people I was hanging with and at the same time there was a group of skin·ny’s that would hang together and a group of fatty’s that hung together. The skin·ny’s (skin·ni·ness, noun —Synonyms 1. lank, gaunt, scrawny.) was the group I avoided not because they were skinny but because they were starving, HELLO, and they looked judgmental and uptight, and hungry and the food of choice was usually me and what I was up to, can anyone say gos·sip (noun, verb, -siped or -sipped, -sip·ing idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: love the dictionary it give it such credence… love the -sipped, -sip·ing I can feel myself being drank up :)
But the whole truth is I knew I could never play the game so I always like the ones with all the outside issues, the real meaty stuff you could see… the ones who wore the issue on the outside, you know like me J
Going back to topic… I am hoping to do some major relearning about sugar, un·for·tu·nate·ly , I’m getting a bit lost. If I listen to all the ‘so called experts’ a Jimmy Moore quote, I get more and more confused on issues like food plans, sugar addiction and exercise, even weighing on the scale have all been life long tortures for me, that is one of the reasons I named my blog “Common Woman” I wanted to really write my book here and part of my book is about this title. What is a common woman? Being a counselor and pastoring a few flocks in my day I know what I think the common woman looks like and it is hidden behind a whole plethora (overabundance; excess) of issues. Comedic’s say it the best I think, as crude and rude as they can be, I’m peeing my pants as I read it or watch them explore some of the issues I’ve mentioned.
I can pontificate To express opinions or judgments in a dogmatic way all over myself and others whist I get started on the subject of religion. And I’m a God loving woman, but I am common as a woman in the fact of what ‘Christianity’ had done to me along the way. So loosely said I am embarrassed at present of being a Christian, but let me explain, I am not ashamed of my believes I am wounded by the judgment I have received when I gave my full heart in service to my last church family. I gave and supported and love, WORK my behind off for FREE for 12 years and yes I did it unto my LORD. But there came a point in my experience that I cracked and needed help and guess what, they all fleed and left me to the wolves… Forgiveness I have, but I want to write about the experience as it comes up for me to let others know how common it is and how to not destroy yourself as I did when the ones I loved turned their backs on me. OK I’m going to stop myself right there. Just know this I have some stories and the said part is they are all too familiar for woman and even some men when they start to tell the truth, like OUCH THAT HURT WHEN YOU….
But onto my issues with men: always a fun subject. Firstly I want to say I love men and thank God we have them but….. can we not agree they are an acquired taste… Men are from Pluto (who just got voted out) and we are from the rest of the planets. Some live like “Desperate Housewives planet”, some live like “Vegan, hairy underarm, granola eating, sprout pushing yurt living freedom fighters”, and some are like me, have had a total implosion experience from living on all the planets and now stay at home and write it down. Time to reassess after the kids are gone and the house is quite and I’ve had several nervous breakdowns-thru’s and now am calm and starting to write about my life again in this new medium of blogging. All of me exists still and it will be fun to pull each piece out and write about it… with my focus on getting me back or putting humpty ‘dumpy’ back together again.
So these are my morning thoughts everyone and more will keep coming as I am making a commitment to blog out my thoughts as they come to me each morning before I do my life such as it is. Forgive the grammar, spelling and plain confusion you may find as my mind spews onto pretend paper in cyber world. Nae’ Nae’ (see that is my nickname I reveled something I was afraid of sharing)
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